The Top 7 WORST Kamen Rider Henshin Belts!
...and now the thrilling conclusion!
A month ago I posted my list of the Top 7 Best Kamen Rider Henshin Belts. Some of my choices may have been surprising. I'm not entirely sure why, though. I don't think everything Heisei is terrible...just the majority of it. A few good designs for suits and belts do manage to slip past the goalie. Believe it or not, I like to like things...
There are some outright terrible designs, though. Not even the Showa-era Riders got it right all of the time. I've taken a look at all of the primary Riders from 1 to Ghost to come up with both of these lists. As with the previous list, I am only looking at the designs and not taking the toy version into consideration.
So sit back...and prepare to disagree!
Honorable Mention: Drive Drive Driver/Shift Brace
Kamen Motorist strikes again. The show features some of the worst goddamn designs in Toei history. A 20-year old Honda with all kinds of crap tacked on to it? How about an old Mazda, too? The least offensive of the designs is the still-terrible Drive Driver. God, even the name sucks. I would like to say any momentum the Kamen Rider franchise had basically fizzled out with this show...but the effects remain to be seen since it's only been off the air for six months now.
Whenever I look at this belt...only two words come to mind. Futuristic Urinal.
07. Super 1 Cycloder
I think the cardinal sin of this belt is that it is bland...but it had promise. It is similar to Skyrider's Tornado, but a step backwards.
The biggest saving grace of this belt is that Demon Kogure of Seikima-II wore one on occasion in the 80s. He eventually moved up to Kamen Rider BLACK's King Stone, though.
06. Wizard Wizardriver
If Al Bundy had a Henshin Belt, for god knows what reason, this is what it would look like.
I get the idea behind it, but I can't look at this thing without it screaming "Here's my gimmick! Right here! Look at this out-of-place hand!". It's distracting. Not that the Wizard suit is all that brilliant to look at.
05. Kabuto Kabuto Zecter
I really don't like any of the designs of Kabuto. The helmet is always worse than I remember whenever I go back and take a look at it. My Figuart collection only goes up to Hibiki for a reason...
When it comes to the Henshin Belt from Kabuto, it isn't bad on it's own. Once the Kabuto Zecter with it's comically oversized handle/antenna is added, it becomes a mess. Nah...this one sucks.
04. ZX ZX Belt
This thing is so devoid of design that they didn't even bother to give it a name. It's the only Showa Henshin Belt to not have a name. I understand that Kamen Rider ZX never really had a chance, but this was the 10th anniversary Rider. Surely it could have been better!
Though it isn't as lacking as...
03. J J Spirit
Bad movie, bad Henshin Belt. I reviewed this one a couple of years ago and gave it praise for one thing...having a Henshin Belt. Was it really worth pointing out, though? The only Rider Belt of the 90s and it was a lousy belt buckle. What is this trying to be? My guess is a giant red horse pill being shoved up someone's ass. I don't know.
02. Faiz SB-555B Faiz Driver
I HATE THIS BELT. I'm genuinely confused at it's popularity. It's an overly technical disaster of a thing. Mobile Phone=Lazy. It also features the absolute worst voice I've ever heard from a Tokusatsu gadget. The "Stand By..." sounds like it was lazily shat out by someone wearing a sleep apnea mask. "Staan Beh..."
The thing as a whole has aged like a nice pruno... People like it, though. *shrug*
01. Fourze Fourze Driver
This belt...this fucking belt, excuse me, DRIVER encapsulates everything else prior to this on the list. Bland? Yes. In your face gimmick? The worst offender. Overly technical? Oh my god, yes. Futuristic Urinal? *zip*
This thing absolutely belongs in fucking space......hurtling toward the sun. I mean...slots for four other pieces of shit you have to buy. Don't forget the random joystick! What the hell was going on here? Otherwise I think the Fourze suit would have been kinda cool. This damn thing absolutely ruins it, though.
There are few things that I can only pray are the worst in my lifetime. I pray that this Henshin Belt is the worst we'll ever see the same way I pray that Beyonce's Single Ladies is the worst song recorded in my lifetime. It's that bad.....
The last time I posted a straight Top 7 worst list I got a lot of hate for my choices. Before you mash your keyboard in disapproval, keep in mind that this is my list. Your list is probably different. If you have no standards...you probably don't even have a list. Either way...I really don't like this group of Henshin Belts. Given the choice of being given one or fighting off enemies with my bare hands, I'd choose the latter.
Be sure to check out my list of Top 7 Best Henshin Belts along with the rest of my Top 7 lists.
I'll be back in the middle of the month with a brand new CD Collection post. I'm not entirely sure what the topic will be...but it'll be several 8cm CD Singles for sure.