Nine Years On Youtube...!

I've been staring at the blank page for some time. I don't really know how I am going to broach the subject or exactly what I am going to write today... I suppose I can begin with a story.

I was out with my wife in Philadelphia's Chinatown eating at Sang Kee Peking Duck House. We ordered our usual (Won Ton Noodle Soup for us to share, 1/2 Roasted Duck Hong Kong Style for me, and Seafood Chow Fun for her) and continued on with our meal as we always do. After a meal of trying, and failing, to defend the best pieces of duck from my wife's chopsticks--the check arrived with two fortune cookies.

The normal method of divvying up the fortune cookies usually involves my wife making about four switches before settling on her cookie. With that figured out, we both went into our cookies and read them silently to ourselves. My cookie read...

"Three months from today you will begin your new path."

The tone of this empty message was strangely specific and curt. I was expecting the usual nonsense about business opportunities or, my favorite, a message about how a clean tie attracts the soup of the day...but this one made me feel uneasy for some reason. Just then, my wife motioned for us to switch fortunes. Her cookie read...

"Three months from today you will being your new path."

OK, now I was really freaking out in my head. This throw-away message hit me like a bucket of water. A bucket of water, mind you, would have been a VERY rude awakening considering it was freezing cold outside. The brisk nature of the weather was fitting given the time of year--with the specific day being either a freak coincidence or a message from powers greater than we can comprehend.

The date? It was the 25th of March...

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This post marks the lead-up to my ninth anniversary on Youtube. I started the channel on June 25, 2007 with no real purpose or intention. The story has been told before on this site, but at this point I feel like I am reading it anew whenever I go back and read it. All I know is that someone was curious about the Twin Brace from Liveman and I thought the easiest way to get the photos out to the most people without relying on photobucket or some other hosting site was to make a short video and toss it up on a new Youtube channel (my previous one still exists).

From there...it's murky. At some point it became a thing where I review all of the Sentai Changers...and then Changers from other shows...and then Sentai Mecha...and then some Henshin Belts...and then 1:18 Scale Cars...and then Figuarts...and then random stuff... Within the fluidity of content, one thing became an alarming constant--the weekly schedule.

The last I checked, I haven't missed a week of uploading a video every Sunday since August, 2011. You might find some weeks where videos have been deleted/removed/reuploaded since then...but I have had an unbroken streak of nearly five years of weekly videos.

Here's where it becomes personal.

I have a serious problem. No, it isn't the toy collecting. The toy collection is something that I wouldn't have a problem selling if I really had my eye on something (I may not have sold anything in some time, but I certainly don't own all of the toys that are on my channel). I am competitive--and my only competition is myself. I'm my own worst enemy. I get into these spirals where no matter what I do, I have to top what I did the day/week/month/year/decade before. It's good for things like making money or making business/personal connections. All the while I find myself torturing...myself. Nobody is asking me for these crazy goals I set for myself, but I feel like it's expected of me to have a weekly video. The only person demanding it is me...

It's hard to explain, but the disappointment I have in myself if, for instance, I have to cut a workout short because my knee hurts is unbearable. I'm the only one keeping score when it comes to that especially.

There are short term things like workouts, but the Youtube channel has become something of a death spiral. Videos haven't gotten any easier to make once I got into a groove, but I have this endless need to deliver with no real result.

So......what does all of this mean? The next year will be business as usual. There will be a new video every Sunday. On June 25, 2017 my tenth anniversary on Youtube and as CCLemon99 in general, I will cease weekly uploads. That was hard to write...

Now let me try to spin all this into something positive...

I've weighed this carefully for some time now and there was a lot to consider. I mean, I'm coming up on my 500th video in a couple of months. I've made videos of every toy I've ever wanted to make a video for...and then about 482 beyond that. Did I ever think I was going to make a video of something like the Giant Roller from Ohranger? Nope...but I did! I went from toys I had...to toys I always wanted...to toys that I thought were interesting/unloved. What else is left?

After I hit that ten year mark, I'll still be on Youtube with new uploads. I might have to force myself not to upload frequently, but the uploads are not going away. I will be doing the annual Sentai Changer a long with the primary Sentai mecha. There will be the oddball stuff...like if I happen to get any of the handful of Kakuranger toys I don't have...or any worthy Figuart that comes down the pike. Yes, the Sentai Henshin Item 1982-2017 WILL be happening so stop fucking asking for the love of Jesus.
Things of that ilk will continue...

Since this is really hard for me to let go, I think giving myself a year to get the last of my regularity out is the right move. I know it might seem a little "So what...?" now, but changes like this are difficult. It also gives me something I never gave thought to prior to this... How does it end? I was in my 20s when I started this channel, and even in your 30s you never give much thought to anything ending. The ideas are hitting me already...I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be doing to end it.

It took me almost a full week to complete this post. In that time I have given everything some time to settle. No regrets, no looking back. It's time to start down my new path of working toward the goal in sight. Once it's all over I can work on something I've been missing out on for the past nine years--myself.

Don't blame/thank the fortune cookie. This was all inevitable. The 25th of June, three months to the day that I read that fortune, I will begin down my path to the end...

Thank you so much for reading,

-CCLemon99

P.S. The site will continue on...two posts a month. I initially thought of increasing output when the channel slows down and then I gave myself a look like "Like fuck you are...". You see? I can't stop myself...